Todd Ranck’s 10 Hottest Women Ever on ‘The Simpsons’
The Simpsons, and the town of Springfield, has had its share of beautiful women pass through town.
Beautiful women who are a lot like a… a refrigerator! They’re about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and… um… Oh, wait a minute. Actually, they are more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman! So I says yeah, if you want that money come and find it, cuz I don’t know where it is you baloney! You make me wanna wretch… I’m sorry… where was I?
Oh, here are 10 hot women from Springfield.
Miss Simmons is pretty much the gold standard when it comes to sexy Simpson characters. She is a perfect match for the Homer in all of us; she loves donuts, enjoys a free shower curtain now and again, and looks amazing in a polka dot bikini.
This sultry songstress is a perfect mix of trailer trash, girl next door, and jilted lover on the rebound. Plus she’s the queen of the sexual euphemism. She’s into bagging, bunking, and everything in between. Too bad Colonel Homer doesn’t fall for such things… or doesn’t understand what a euphemism is.
Talk about a girl with some incredible “assets.” Titania enjoys pouring beer, wet t-shirts, and sleeping with people to get ahead in the world. Other than that, she’s pretty much useless… just like in real life!
Nothing like a free and easy spirit to make even the most rigid of Principals’ heart melt with desire. That’s what substitute teacher Miss Juniper did when she took on the role of substitute music teacher. However, her spontaneity proved to be her downfall as Seymour broke it off after only a three-month tryst.
Stupid sexy Flanders! Leave it to him to win the eye of the hottest celebrity to enter Springfield since George Bush moved in across the street from Homer. And although Sara was just a quick fling-a-ring-a-reeno for ol’ Neddy, we can’t really think of a better trophy to add to the collection.
When it comes to arranged marriages, Apu sure hit the jackpot. Nurturing, supportive, obedient, and not too bad on the eyes either. She even popped out 8 kids at once and was able to get her body bounce right back into form.
Perhaps the most sinister temptress on the list. She shows up teasing you with an unlimited supply of Squishee mix. Flirts with you using a barrage of convenience items, and then you’re just supposed to dismiss her and let her do it all over again when she returns next month? No way. You can’t blame Apu. It’s almost too much for any man.
Probably the most mysterious of them all, this belly dancer has a penchant for skimpy outfits, dollar bills, and dance partners. And even if the groom to be won’t be partaking in any of the festivities, good thing Dancing Homer is there to step up to the challenge.
Even though this grad student is one of those “don’t-call-me-a-chick” chicks, the troublemaking babysitter does have one thing going for her. Her sweet s-s-s-s-sweet can. And although she’d probably be a tough nut to crack, once you’re in, it would be worth it. Even if you have to go so far as sleeping nude in an oxygen tent which will give you sexual powers.
When Krusty’s biggest fan shows up wanting a little more than his autograph, Krusty becomes quickly whipped and changes his show to be more about love and unicorns and fairy tale stuff. We’re with Bart who says it right, “women ruin all the great things – the Army, Fantastic Four, American Idol.”